Every January 1st since I was 19, I have set a goal to read the 4 gospels by Easter Sunday. There has only been one year I haven't done it. Every year I get something new out of it. Some years I get more out of it than others.
This year, I forgot about my goal until March 10. I didn't have a lot of time, and I was kind of speed reading through. While there was no lightning, or ground breaking revelations, I closed the book of John yesterday with a grateful heart.
There was nothing in the four gospels that seemed new to me. No words of Christ that hit me in a way they hadn't before. But looking back over the past month, I have felt a deeper calmness than I have before. Feeling calm is something I struggle with, and I'm not perfect at. I became really aware at how much YELLING there is in this world. How many people feel DEFENSIVE and ANGRY and PARANOID. I felt like the theme of General Conference was "everyone calm down and love one another."
I believe that Christ wants us to defend our lives and our beliefs and our families WHEN THEY ARE BEING ATTACKED. I don't believe that I am being attacked all the time. I think being defensive escalates things quickly and, from what I read, Christ was always calm and cool. He didn't get in huge arguments with people who were never going to agree with Him. He went about His perfect life teaching, healing, loving.
I am so grateful for all that He has done for me. Not only for the great miracle of the atonement and resurrection, but for the example He set while He walked the earth. Sometimes I can't help but feel that as He walked those dusty roads He must have been thinking about me. He is my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Lord. My heart rejoices in the peace that only He can bring me. I yearn to be like Him, no matter how far away that is. I know that I can live with Him again. I know that we all can. For this, I worship Him.