Seeker of Happiness

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The Real Reasons I Haven't Been Blogging

Carrie ChapmanComment

I've had a few people reach out to me and tell me that they "miss my blog" and I am always touched and a bit surprised. I usually tell them that I'm still all over Facebook, and they can keep up with me there. I don't know if I'll ever fully get back into blogging, and the reason is ironic- I just have too much to say. 

Being an opinionated person in a world of controversy and politics, I can pick a number of hot button issues and chat about them. But getting on my blog and doing so overwhelms me for a couple of reasons: 

1. I don't have the time or energy to thoroughly research each issue I feel strongly about AND THEN break it down in a simple way for people to understand where I'm coming from. If I'm going to sit and take the time to go through how I feel about something, I feel like I have a responsibility to do so very clearly because...

2. I don't have the time or energy to a host a conversation about most things I feel passionately about. I am in the camp that if you post a meme/article/blog post on social media, then you have invited a conversation and should therefore be a gracious host. Most my friends on Facebook and other social media are EXTREMELY conservative, and  having to respond to their confusion or disgust with my beliefs is draining to say the least. I'm simply not in a place where I can handle it. Posting an emotional and controversial post only to say "I don't want to debate" is selfish and unfair. "I don't want to debate, I only want you to comment if you agree with my controversial point of view because it is right." I would never do that to my friends in real life, so why would I do it here? 

3. I am woefully un-immune to social pressure and still care what people think about me. I worry that that nice lady from church will look at my differently if she knew I don't think Obama is Hitler. I don't want friends who have decided to leave the LDS church to think that I am shutting out their concerns if I post why I stay. I want to focus on what I KNOW rather than what I doubt, but that somehow ends up being defined as "fake" or "cowardly." And on the flip side, sharing a doubt or contradicting belief is now aiding and feeding the doubts of others.
 I can't win!
I've had people tell me "but what you have to say is IMPORTANT and you're being selfish if you don't share it!" But those same people are ones who rant about other bloggers "spreading doubt." I don't want to be fake, but I don't want to spread doubt. Someone I love is going to be disappointed in me and my comments and so the only way to avoid that is to not talk about anything.

4. On a slightly different note, I stopped blogging for another reason. I got sucked into an anonymous snarky website where people (most claiming to be women) rail on famous (and some not so famous) bloggers. I'm a sucker for a good joke, so I found myself reading this forum all the time- even when I knew it was outrageously negative and in no way added to my life in a meaningful way.
Because I feel I can't talk about anything that is really important to me BESIDES my family, I found myself only blogging about my kids and every time I wrote a blog post. Each time I did, I heard 1,000 snarky comments. 
"Why does she think we care about her precious snowflake kids?" 
"Ooooo she went to the dinosaur monument again! So sad that she thinks this is blog worthy." 
"Does she really think we would find this interesting? She's the most basic Mormon chick we've ever seen." 

I have since stopped reading the above mentioned forum, but the effects are still there in my anxiety-ridden head. I should be clear that I am in no way blaming the snarky (and admittedly hilarious) people on that forum for my insecurities. I let their dialog become my inner dialog, and that's my own weakness. 

5. Anything I do feel is worth posting about my family I put on my Facebook page in a condensed way that I don't feel like needs a a whole post written about it.

So to recap, I stopped blogging because: 
I don't have the energy to discuss things I truly care about with people I truly care about. 
I don't feel like going to the same park with my kids every day is "blog worthy" and I am still concerned with that word. 
I put stuff about my kids on Facebook anyway. 

There you go. Overall, the effects of not blogging have been pretty beneficial for my family. So I don't know what the future of the ol' blog holds. Maybe I'll move back into it. But for now, I'll just refer anyone who says "why did you stop blogging?!" right to this little post.